What caught my attention above all though was how I could hear him opening the cabinet the TV sat on which usually remained locked. I heard him change the tapes in the VCR often and decided to put my plan into action...I opened my door and almost instantly the colorful lights that danced on the walls of the living room down the hall turned that familiar blue. "Robbie? Whatcha doing?" he called out."Just goin' to the bathroom Dad." I responded. A smile took hold of my face."Ho'kay well hurry up!" he yelled and I replied by going in right away, taking care of it, flushing, turning on the faucet to make it sound like I was washing my hands though I usually didn't etc. I made my way back to my door and called out good night. "G'night Bud" was his reply and I opened my door, stepped in and clacked the door against the jam like I was closing it. Only I held on to the knob and pushed it back open slightly, making sure the loud noise would not be my downfall yet again.Then I waited... I. I was wide awake. My wife told her how I cried when she asked me to give up my books. My daughter told her that she’s moving too fast and she needs to give me time to get settled. I’m going “oh fuck! this is me they’re talking about.” After a while they quit talking and decided they needed to “wake me up” as my daughter had some where to go. I got to hold my grandson again while she was getting ready. My wife was playing with our grandaughter in another part of the house. I held him as tears streamed down my face. I realized how much of his life I’m going to miss.I’ve had a trip planned for several months and it looks like it will be canceled due to the seizures. I’m not safe for driving the amount of time necessary to get there. It’s a festival that’s only held every two years. My daughter is going to see if she can take us. That’s another reason I’m upset. I’ve really looked forward to this and if I don’t go this time I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that I’ll be in a.
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